无老师优秀范例:Some people think that we could develop economic first and protect the environment when we’ve got enough money. Well, at that time we may hold a bunch of dollars in hand, looking around the devastated land and whispering “it’s too late.” Human desire can never be fulfilled. We’ve no idea how much money is enough. However, one thing is for sure, that the damage we make to environment is irreversible and irreparable. You can’t pour industrial wastewater to the ocean and wish that the chemical toxicant will forever stay there, waiting for you to recycle with your latest equipment. You can’t cut down the whole rainforest and expect it to grow back in 10 years to keep absorbing carbon dioxide with your magical auxin. Like time, some mistake, once have been made, could never be fixed. Environment is the clearest example. So, to avoid such tragedy, the government has better focus on environmental protection now. 无老师优秀翻译:有些人认为我们应该优先发展经济,当我们有钱了之后,再保护环境。在那时,我们会捧着一把美元,看着周围荒芜的土地,然后喃喃自语“一切都太晚了”。人类的欲望无法被满足。我们不知道到底多少钱才够。但是,有一点是确定的,我们对于环境的破坏是不可逆转,也不可修复的。你不能倾泻废水进入海洋,然后希望化学毒物会永远留在原地,等着我们用最新的设备来回收他们。你不可能砍掉整片森林,然后期望10年后他们再长回来,用魔术般的植物激素来吸收二氧化碳。有些错误,就像是时间,一旦犯下了,就永远不能修正了。环境是最清晰的例子。所以,为了避免这样的悲剧,政府最好现在就开始关注环境保护。 无老师平庸范例:Some people think that we should firstly develop economic, and when we are rich, we can protect the environment. At that time, we may hold a handful money, and look at the around waste land, and say to ourselves that "everything is too late". Human's hope can not be fufilled. We do not know how much money is enough. But one thing is sure, the destroying that our human have done to the environment could not be turned over, or be repaired. You can not let the waste water into the ocean, and hope they will stay there, and we can save them when we have the newest equipments. You can not cut off the whole forests and hope they will grow out in ten years, and use their magic chemicals to absorb carbon dioxide. Some mistake which are like the time had been done, they never could be corrected. The environment is the obvious example. So, in order to avoid this tragedy, the goverment should start to pay attention to protect environment. 无老师精析:在语言之间的来回转换中间,初级的就是翻翻文字就好了,其实这都丝毫谈不上信达雅,只是机械的工作而已,如果我们再进一个层次的话,就会发现,其实不同的语言之间表达自己逻辑的方式是不同的,中文之中表达逻辑,依靠的是意思本身,而英文则是有一堆词汇实体上的连接,在学习英文过程当中,尤其是写作文的时候,尤其要注意这一点。 回到本篇优秀作文上来说,其实原作者在句式的多样性上,并不见长,作者最强大的,在于准确的用词和对于句子节奏的把握。当然,这就已经非常难得了! 首先第一句,优秀范例:Some people think that we could develop economic first and protect the environment when we’ve got enough money.对比平庸范例Some people think that we should firstly develop economic, and when we are rich, we can protect the environment.在这里优秀范例,并没有太多发力,如果非要说有亮点的话,就应该在于对于2个小词的使用上,第一个是first,第二个是and。其实first很容易辨别,只要稍微注意一下平庸范例用的firstly的位置就会发现,平庸范例,写的完全是按照中文语序来写的,而优秀范例放在develop economic之后,才是正确的用法。第二个亮点是and,and这个词我们之前只知道它是表示并列,但是实际上,这个词还有一个顺承的用法,也就是因为前面事情的发生,而自然而然会发生后面的事情,这个时候不用then,一个and就直接解决战斗,在此处,优秀范例不动声色的,来了一个and,可以说很漂亮。 第二句,优秀范例Well, at that time we may hold a bunch of dollars in hand, looking around the devastated land and whispering “it’s too late.”对比平庸范例At that time, we may hold a handful money, and look at the around waste land, and say to ourselves that "everything is too late".我们会发现,优秀范例句首的well,和that其实就直接起到了逻辑连接的作用,熟悉英语的人会知道,一个well位于句首,其实就是前文提出了一个想法,这里要表达自己的观点了,虽然有些口语化,但是还勉强可以接受,然后的that,就更为直观的,表明自己要继续论述。接下来,优秀范例的hold用的很生动,画面感极强,想想一个人抓这一把钱,但是周围空无一物,场面感极好!然后接下来,优秀范例为了承接hold和后面的in hand用了a bunch of而不是many,说明作者对词的感觉极好,清楚词汇之间该怎么搭配。然后再接下来的devastated和whisper,就是作者统治级的词汇量的展现了。相比下来,平庸范例的waste和say to ourselves,就直接被秒杀了! 第三四句,优秀范例Human desire can never be fulfilled. We’ve no idea how much money is enough.对比平庸范例:Human's hope can not be fufilled. We do not know how much money is enough.首先,优秀范例的desire写的很准确,这里作者想表达的是人类的“欲望”,此处像平庸范例那样用hope是不对的,hope是一种希望,实现不实现都行,而desire是一种赤裸裸的贪欲,是要被满足的,因此此处一定要像优秀范例那样用desire。然后第四句,优秀范例的have no idea就写得很书面化了,不像do not know那样过于口语化,加分!作文的用词就是要像大会讲话一样冠冕堂皇,不能像兄弟们喝酒那样市井气很浓。 第五句,优秀范例:However, one thing is for sure, that the damage we make to environment is irreversible and irreparable.对比平庸范例But one thing is sure, the destroying that our human have done to the environment could not be turned over, or be repaired.(*@ο@*) 哇~!优秀范例用的太地道了!首先是is for sure写的太地道了!这就好像你跟别人说“那是必须的~~~”那么地道!然后再接下来,优秀范例又贱贱的把we make前面的that给省略了,地道!最后优秀范例反手两刀irreversible和irreparable,直接两个词,轻松解决战斗,但是平庸范例则是很费力写出了not be turned over, or be repaired,十分的拖沓冗长。 第六句,优秀范例:You can’t pour industrial wastewater to the ocean and wish that the chemical toxicant will forever stay there, waiting for you to recycle with your latest equipment.对比平庸范例You can not let the waste water into the ocean, and hope they will stay there, and we can save them when we have the newest equipments.平心而论,优秀范例前半句话,还是显得过于随意,过于口语了,You can’t这样的句式放在句首,不是很严肃。不过接下来,优秀范例的industrial wastewater和chemical toxicant还是显示出了自己的词汇量,点赞。不过接下来的forever stay there就又口语化了。总结下来本句话到这,两个减分点You can’t和forever stay there,一个加分点industrial wastewater和chemical toxicant,减分点获胜。不过在本句话最后,优秀范例还是找回了一些颜面首先是waiting for的伴随状态,没有像平庸范例那样,用了笨拙的and句式,然后的recycle和latest两个词虽然不难,但是贵在精准!恰到好处,也是加分点。相比起来,当我们看到平庸范例的save和newest,就会让人感叹一下,哪有人这么说话啊! 第七句,优秀范例You can’t cut down the whole rainforest and expect it to grow back in 10 years to keep absorbing carbon dioxide with your magical auxin.对比平庸范例You can not cut off the whole forests and hope they will grow out in ten years, and use their magic chemicals to absorb carbon dioxide.同上,用you作为句子开头,不好。不过下面的几个小词用的还不错,cut down、rainforest、expect看上去没感觉,但是再对比一下平庸范例的forest和hope的泛泛之谈,我们就会发现,反过来,cut down、rainforest、expect这几个词用的还满准确地!至于接下来的词汇量的展示carbon dioxide和magical auxin,当我们看完前面的优秀范例之后,就会发现,这些都是作者应有的实力。 第八句和第九句,有些诗意了哦!优秀范例:Like time, some mistake, once have been made, could never be fixed. Environment is the clearest example.对比平庸范例Some mistake which are like the time had been done, they never could be corrected. The environment is the obvious example.这句话,就充分体现出作者的阅读量和语感,主要就是体现在逗号的运用上,首先,就提出Like time,然后一个逗号,再放出some mistake,这样人们就不会疑惑,到底谁是主语,读起来就非常的清晰,然后一个once也是用的很巧妙,在这一表示“一旦”就使得句子产生了前后的逻辑关系,这样就有层次感了,表示之前一旦做了什么,那么后果就......再一个逗号,放出could never be fixed承接上面的主语some mistake,没有用一个when或者if引导的从句,但是充分体现了其中的逻辑关系,而且十分的清晰,这就是高手之作!再对比平庸范例笨拙的which从句,就显得优秀范例,清新的感觉扑面而来!然后第九句Environment is the clearest example,简单清晰,不过也无甚亮点,算是中规中矩。 第十句,漂亮的收尾,优秀范例So, to avoid such tragedy, the government has better focus on environmental protection now. 对比平庸范例So, in order to avoid this tragedy, the goverment should start to pay attention to protect environment.首先做着,一个So,表示自己要收网了!优秀范例的to avoid和平庸范例的in order to avoid可以说不分伯仲,优秀范例的贵在简洁,但是平庸范例的则是很书面,各有千秋。但是接下来优秀范例的小such就用的很漂亮了,因为such特指前文出现的内容,这写的很准确,相比之下,平庸范例的this就真的是有些指代不清楚了,到底是指什么,说的不清晰。接下来优秀范例的has better用的很简洁,相比之下平庸范例的should start to pay attention to本来问题不大,但是跟优秀范例一对比,就显得笨手笨脚,累赘拖沓。最后,优秀范例当说到环境保护的时候,特意用了名词化的environmental protection,而不是像平庸范例那样继续用动词形式protect environment,优秀范例名词性的environmental protection显然又加一分! 整篇文章回味一下,优秀范例作者的积累,应该是很充分的,至少平时在很有益的积累词汇和看一些美剧,但是如果能再多注重一些书面材料的吸收,比如说多读一些专业化的杂志,论文以及书籍,应该说作文的层次又会有一个很大的提升。