无老师优秀范例:Besides, young people right now are all excellent supporters, but never activists. Along with the spread of Facebook and Twitter, you can quickly advocate a claim or support each other with ‘Like’ or tweets. It is a high-return investment: with just a single click, you can represent your support to reform, care about the environment and love for minorities and at the same time, relieve your own guilt for not doing anything. “I’ve already done my best.” You can comfort yourself like this. However, even though the minorities are flattered with your support, they are still fighting alone. Support is important, but what we value the most is action. Sometimes we miss old times teenagers, those built barricades in the streets of Paris in French Revolution or took off his own coat and gave it to you in a cold winter night, 1940’s Beijing. They couldn’t learn others’ difficulties quickly and comprehensively like we do today. However, once they met a person in need, they would lean a helping hand. 无老师优秀翻译:除此之外,年轻人现在是很好的支持者,但是并不是行动者。随着Facebook和Twitter的出现,你可以很快发表自己的观点、或者支持其中的一方通过点赞或者发推。这是一个高回报的投资:只需要轻点鼠标,你就可以发表你对改革的支持,对环境的关心,以及对少数族裔的爱,与此同时,还能抚平你因为没有做任何事情而应该有的愧疚。“我已经尽了全力了。”你可以用这样的方式来安慰自己。但是,哪怕少数族裔收到了你拍的马屁,他们仍然需要独自迎战。支持固然有价值,但是我们最珍视的还是行动。有时,我们怀想以前的青年人,那些在法国大革命时期,在巴黎街头设置路障的青年人,亦或者是在十九世纪50年代的北京,脱下自己的外套,在寒冷的冬天把外套给你的青年人。他们不能像我们当代年轻人一样快速并且全面地了解他人的困难。但是,一旦当他们遇到一个需要帮助的人,他们会第一个伸出援手。 无老师平庸范例:Except, Young people are good supporters, but they are not good activitists. With the start of the Facebook and the twitter, you can quickly say your opinion, or support one side of the battle by “Support” or tweet. This is a good money investment: you just point your mouse, then you can say your support for the reform, say the worry for the environment, say the love to the minorities, and at the same time, it can release the guilty for not doing anything. “I have done everything.” You can use this way to release yourself. But even though the the minorities have heard these words, they have to face everything by themselves. Support have their value, but we need the action. Sometimes, we will miss the old young people, they are the people who build barricades in the streets of Paris in French Revolution or in the 1940’s winter of Beijing took off their own coat to give it to you. They would not understand other people’s difficulties, and take all the today’s action. But, when they face a person who need help, they would be the first to give their help. 无老师精析:当我们在评价戏曲的时候,我们会说唱念做打俱佳,但是当我们评价一篇文章的时候该按照什么标准呢?这个角度就很多了。本篇优秀托福作文的亮点与其他的又有差别,有的作文是思想深刻,有的作文是文思优美,有的文章是用词精巧,往往都是单点突破,但是本段文章在思想深刻、遣词造句地道上都做得非常好,这是很难得的! 低调高冷的第一句,优秀范例Besides, young people right now are all excellent supporters, but never activists.对比平庸范例的第一句Except, Young people are good supporters, but they are not good activitists.其实优秀范例的第一句,刚看上去的时候,不会有什么感觉的,第一没有惊艳的词汇,第二没有华丽的句式。但是当我们再对比平庸范例的时候,就发现优秀范例的right now和never用的非常好!首先是right now写出这样一个时间点,这是一静,接下来never,这是一个很长的时间段,这是一动。这里的一静一动的配合本身,十分的漂亮! 第二句,深刻的来了!优秀范例Along with the spread of Facebook and Twitter, you can quickly advocate a claim or support each other with ‘Like’ or tweets.平庸范例With the start of the Facebook and the twitter, you can quickly say your opinion, or support one side of the battle by “Support” or tweet.在这里,请小伙伴们注意无老师翻译的方式,这里没有翻译成Facebook and Twitter的传播,而是翻译成了“Facebook和Twitter的出现”,其实主要是为了迎合中国人的表达方式和美国人表达方式的差别,相应的,反过来小伙伴们再写随着XXX的出现,其实就可以考虑with the spread of,而不是像平庸范例一样With the start of,因为美国人会想Facebook and the twitter的“开发”跟你有什么关系呢?你只是个使用者啊!真不知道你们中国人想表达什么。然后优秀范例的advocate a claim单纯的就是写的地道,记下来就好了。不过优秀范例接下来的with ‘Like’ or tweets其实很有意思,无老师之前讲过,这里再说一遍,就是美国人表达“用……”的时候,很少写when we use XXX to,在这里很少用动词use,而是想这里的优秀范例一样,用with来解决问题。这也是表达方式的差异,要知道,只有你意识到这种差别,你才能写出来地道的作文,否则当你都不知道的地道的英语怎么写的时候,又怎能写出漂亮的文章呢。顺带提一句,这其实也就是为什么很多英文翻译过来的书,很难读,也就是这个原因,也就是因为翻译的人英语功底不够好,因此出现了很多词不达意的情况,所以你就读不懂了。 第三句就是很漂亮且深刻的并列长句,优秀范例It is a high-return investment: with just a single click, you can represent your support to reform, care about the environment and love for minorities and at the same time, relieve your own guilt for not doing anything.对比平庸范例This is a good money investment: you just point your mouse, then you can say your support for the reform, say the worry for the environment, say the love to the minorities, and at the same time, it can release the guilty for not doing anything.首先优秀范例with just a single click,对比平庸范例you just point your mouse,我们就会发现优秀范例颇有四两拨千金的感觉,单纯一个single click到底click什么了呢?人家不说,但是通过前后文我们知道,这里是在说用互联网,因此我们知道这里一定是在说点击鼠标,说的很抽象,但是很准确,而且一个single还表达出了这件事情的轻巧!相比于平庸范例的point your mouse,“点老鼠“难道你在拿着魔杖变东西么?!然后再接下来优秀范例做了一件很有趣的事,不知道小伙伴们有没有发现,就是3个名词support、care和love都是动词作名词来做represent的宾语,写的赞那!而且改革也没有写revolution而是用了reform,也很赞啊!词汇量丰富啊!至于最后的relieve your own guilt for not doing anything,只能感叹作者笔锋的辛辣,这不是英语的问题,而是思想深刻,是critical thinking,学不来的。当然必须提一句就是配guilty,优秀范例的relieve比平庸范例的release稍微准确一点点! 精悍的第五句和第六句,优秀范例“I’ve already done my best.” You can comfort yourself like this.对比平庸范例的“I have done everything.” You can use this way to release yourself.优秀范例have done my best,稍微地道一点点。其后的comfort yourself like this非常的精炼,其实comfort yourself也够了,但是平庸范例不仅写的很啰嗦,写得很不地道,而且重复用了comfort这个词,用词没有多样性,减分减分减分! 辛辣的第七句,优秀范例However, even though the minorities are flattered with your support, they are still fighting alone.对比平庸范例But even though the the minorities have heard these words, they have to face everything by themselves.本句话句式没有亮点,唯一的亮点是flatter,显得作者词汇量很大,而且用的还准确!是个加分点。不像很多人,用了很多很生涩的词,结果用的驴唇不对马嘴,反倒使得自己的作文被人厌烦不已。 破题的第八句,优秀范例Support is important, but what we value the most is action.对比平庸范例Support have their value, but we need the action.本句优秀范例只能算是中等偏上,但还是有两个亮点。其一是what的从句用的很纯熟,有加分!其二是名词value在这里用的动词的词性,表达“珍视”的意思,用的很漂亮! 掉书袋的第九句,优秀范例Sometimes we miss old times teenagers, those built barricades in the streets of Paris in French Revolution or took off his own coat and gave it to you in a cold winter night, 1940’s Beijing.对比平庸范例Sometimes, we will miss the old young people, they are the people who build barricades in the streets of Paris in French Revolution or in the 1940’s winter of Beijing took off their own coat to give it to you.在这里优秀范例告诉你,老娘思想深刻不是白来的!而是因为看了很多书,随手拿两个例子出来,你就得佩服我看书多!首先对比平庸范例蹩脚的old young people(老年轻人),就会发现优秀范例的old times teenagers写的准确啊!准确的表达出了“以前的年轻人”这个概念。 然后再接下来,一个霸气的同位语(those 对于old times teenagers 的解释说明)+定语从句省略that(those后面省略了that)+从句里两句并列(built barricades in the streets of Paris in French Revolution与gave it to you in a cold winter night, 1940’s Beijing的并列)+ barricades、French Revolution这些词汇量,让你不给人高分,你都不好意思!至于平庸范例,也就只是东施效颦而已了。 过渡作用的第十句,优秀范例They couldn’t learn others’ difficulties quickly and comprehensively like we do today.对比平庸范例They would not understand other people’s difficulties, and take all the today’s action.优秀范例没什么亮点 ,唯一勉强的亮点,就是comprehensively“全面地”这个词显示了自己不错的词汇量和词汇的驾驭能力。 闪亮着智慧光芒的最后一句出现了!优秀范例However, once they met a person in need, they would lean a helping hand.对比平庸范例But, when they face a person who need help, they would be the first to give their help.首先优秀范例的in need写得非常地道而简洁!而不像平庸范例还用了一个从句who need help这么麻烦。最最最最最最漂亮的就是最后的lean a helping hand,太闪亮了!亮瞎24K氪金狗眼啊!平时我们说offer a help其实就已经还可以了,但是作者在这里的一个lean,就显示出“他”是自发的,第一个这么做的人!颇有引领风潮,作时代弄潮儿的即视感!Marvelous!写的太赞了!不禁让人击掌叫好!至于最后的a helping hand,只要有lean的出现,后面就是自然而然的事情了。至于平庸范例,已经成渣! 华丽,谢幕!