无老师优秀范例:What’s more, young people now are victims of conformity. They will not take action unless everybody is doing it. No one dares to be the first to lend his seat to an old grandpa on the bus or the first to stop and gather a falling grandma up. They don’t want others’ staring with praise or misunderstanding. They don’t want to suffer the pain that pioneers might encounter. This society, lack of mutual trust and honesty, is turning its promising young adults into creatures of cowardice and pathetic. Living in such society, no wonder our young people are less likely to help others. 无老师优秀翻译:不仅如此,年轻人也成了墨守成规的牺牲品。他们不会采取任何的行动,除非其他人已经开始做了。没有人会胆大包天的,成为公交车上第一个把座位让给来年人的人,亦或者把老年人扶起来。他们不希望其他人要么是赞赏,要么是误解的关注。他们甚至不想承受先驱者会经历的伤痛。这个社会,缺乏彼此的信任和诚实,正在把意气风发的年轻人,变成了胆小龟和可怜虫。住在这样的社会里,我们的年轻人不太可能去帮助其他人就毫不令人惊奇了。 无老师平庸范例:Besides, the young people will be a victim of the conformity. They will do not do anything, only when other have done it. No people will be bold enough to give a seat to a old man, or hold up a old man. They do not want any admiring or misunderstanding watch. They even do not want take any pioneer’s pain. This society, is short of credit and honest, and is turning good young people into coward and wretch. Living in this society, young people would not help others, and this is not surprise. 无老师精析:原作者本身写的很号,因此为了写出平庸范例,真的是好费力气啊!之所以会出现这样的问题,就是因为原作者本身写作的思想,相对于大多数大陆学生,就已经非常的美式了,因此写出的内容已经不再是单纯的词对词的翻译,而是双方整句话,甚至是整段话意思的接合。 第一句,优秀范例What’s more, young people now are victims of conformity.对比平庸范例Besides, the young people will be a victim of the conformity.在这里What’s more,相比于Besides,更适于作为段首句的开头,Besides,更多地用于段内的连接。然后victims of conformity其实写的很漂亮。关键是能将“产生了不好的效果”这样的表达方式,引申为“受害者”这一点,写的很巧妙。这里关键的是作者文学上的修养,只要是能想到这里,别人就无法打败他了。因此,平庸范例在仿写的时候,也不得不用victim of the conformity。但是实际上原作者能想到“受害者”这个表达方式,才是写作的关键。 第二句,优秀范例They will not take action unless everybody is doing it.对比平庸范例They will do not do anything, only when other have done it.显然,优秀范例用了take action这个固定搭配,而平庸范例只是很小学生的写出了do not do anything。然后unless其实也是用的不错,相比于平庸范例的only when,就可以看出only when就只是照搬优秀范例的表达,但是还想不出同样优秀的表达方法。 第三句厉害了!优秀范例是No one dares to be the first to lend his seat to an old grandpa on the bus or the first to stop and gather a falling grandma up.平庸范例是No people will be bold enough to give a seat to a old man, or hold up a old man.这里优秀范例的dares to写得十分的地道!这本身就是非常大的优势。平庸范例的be bold enough就显然是生硬的翻译过来,平时英语国家的人根本就不会这么写!不过说实话,这句话有点中国国情,外国人其实不是很能看懂作者想表达什么,作者最好在这里再介绍一句话,比较好。比如说扶老大妈这种事情,容易被讹诈。 不过,第四句确实写的很漂亮!优秀范例They don’t want others’ staring with praise or misunderstanding.平庸范例They do not want any admiring or misunderstanding watch.这句话和第五句话是一样的。用词是一方面,另一方面是因为写的确实深刻!这里的优点就是能够将自己放在那个场景之中,然后想象到底会发生什么。继而洞察出当事人的心理活动!写得太漂亮了!只要想到这,优秀范例的praise or misunderstanding,是必然会出现的!当然,差别还是有的,就是优秀范例当表达“注视”的时候用的是stare,表示的是盯着看,而平庸范例,用了很泛泛的watch。 第五句,优秀范例They don’t want to suffer the pain that pioneers might encounter.对比平庸范例They even do not want take any pioneer’s pain.这句话的优点还是在于深刻!深刻的解析了当事人复杂的心理。优秀范例的suffer the pain和pioneers might encounter写的固然准确,但是如果想都想不到这的话,那么这些辞藻,也就根本不会在这里聚首。 第六句,优秀范例This society, lack of mutual trust and honesty, is turning its promising young adults into creatures of cowardice and pathetic.对比平庸范例This society, is short of credit and honest, and is turning good young people into coward and wretch.首先在简洁上,优秀范例就更胜一筹,lack of mutual trust and honesty,用一个伴随状态,而不像是平庸范例还多出来一个谓语be short of,而且be short of在这里表达的也不甚准确,而且优秀范例的mutual这个词用的好,表示的是互相的信任,而不是单方向信任,这些显得很有层次感。而后的promising、creatures、cowardice和pathetic能写出来,是十分让人惊艳的!典型的英语思维的产物,cowardice和pathetic还好,尤其是promising、creatures,如果不是大量的阅读英文原文的话,是很难想到用这样两个词的!这两个词对应的中文意思有前途的,和生物,都不是在中文中常用的,我们可以说平时想都想不到用这两个词。 最后一句话,优秀范例Living in such society, no wonder our young people are less likely to help others.对比平庸范例Living in this society, young people would not help others, and this is not surprise.这里的优秀范例的亮点就在于两个固定搭配no wonder和are less likely to,用的特别好!直接就是两个漂亮的加分点!不给你加分,考官都不好意思!而反观平庸范例的this is not surprise就写得不伦不类,你到底想表达什么?惊讶?惊喜?模糊不清。 有对比,才知道谁更优秀!优秀范例的满分作文,不是浪得虚名的!