无老师优秀范例:As for the job-effected people, job is not only a work to support themselves, but a way we use to bring us a stronger sense of accomplishment and achievement. Happy and fulfilled as we are when we deliver outstanding performance at work. Meanwhile, when we thrive at work, we may earn high salary with which we can give our loved ones a better quality of life. Seeing the smiles on their faces, it will bring considerable joy to us either. Yet there is still one thing that can make us happier, that is the harmonious relations with workmates. It is because we spend far more time with our workmates than any other friends during leisure time. 无老师优秀翻译:对于工作影响型的人,工作不仅仅是一份支撑生活的工作,同时也是一个给自己带来强烈的满足、和成就感的方式。我们会获得工作的满足感,当我们在工作当中有接触的表现的时候。与此同时,当我们工作做得很好的时候,我们会获得很好的薪水,这样,我们会给我们的爱人更好地生活。看到他们脸上的微笑,他会给我们彼此带来很多的快乐。但是,仍然有其他的事情会使我们快乐,这就是与同事融洽的关系。这是因为相比于任何其他的朋友,我们和同事一起度过的休闲时间会更多。 无老师平庸范例:For the hard-working people, working is not only a job that support our life, but also give us strong feeling of satisfaction and achievement. We will get the feeling of satisfaction, when we are good at work. At the same time, when we do well in the work, we will get good salary, and we can give our lover better life. When we look at other’s smile, it will give us more happiness. But there are still other things which could make us happy, this is good relationship with co-worker. Because compared with other friends, our co-workers will spend more time when we are free. 无老师精析:这保证是个工作狂写的作文!根红苗正,都快看不下去了! 如果宏观的来看,本篇文章就是典型的文章内容一般,但是但是用词和句式的多样性很好,而使得自己的作文加分很多。当然,句式多样性也是要从两面来看的,一方面是作者有意的每句话用不同的句型,另一方面是句子内部又免不了受中式英语的影响。 第一句,优秀范例As for the job-effected people, job is not only a work to support themselves, but a way we use to bring us a stronger sense of accomplishment and achievement.对比平庸范例:For the hard-working people, working is not only a job that support our life, but also give us strong feeling of satisfaction and achievement.首先优秀范例的As for写的很地道,其后job-effected写的很有新意,接下来后面用了not only, but also的句式结构使得文章的定调,定在了书面体,而不是口语式的表达。然后优秀范例的a way we use to一个way后面省略which写的很地道。当然,我们最后从对比a stronger sense of accomplishment and achievement这样一种表达方式,首先sense就比平庸范例的feeling显得更书面化,同时accomplishment and achievement两个动词转名词的使用,也显得非常的书面化。 第二句,优秀范例Happy and fulfilled as we are when we deliver outstanding performance at work.对比平庸范例We will get the feeling of satisfaction, when we are good at work.我们就会发现,作者在这里很刻意的用了,形容词位于句首的倒装Happy and fulfilled as we are(正常句式是as we are happy and fulfilled),虽然稍显刻意,但是毕竟增加了句子的多样性,算是个小的加分点。而且这里的Happy and fulfilled与前一句的accomplishment and achievement都算是积极的词汇,无形中有一种逻辑的连接性。其实直到这里,仅就单词的加分点来说都不多,只有前面的accomplishment and achievement算加分,但是加的不多。直到接下来的deliver和performance才算是很大的亮点,写得十分的地道!为什么地道?看平庸范例的we are good at work和下一句平庸范例的的when we do well in the work,就发现原来我们在这句语境下,很少会想到用deliver这个词,而且平庸范例we are good at work在这里其实是是有歧义的【无老师小问题:可能让人误解为什么意思?】 第三句,优秀范例Meanwhile, when we thrive at work, we may earn high salary with which we can give our loved ones a better quality of life.对比平庸范例At the same time, when we do well in the work, we will get good salary, and we can give our lover better life.优秀范例这里首先用Meanwhile与前一句话产生一个逻辑联系,然后作者觉得自己如果再用happy和achievement这样的词来表示成功的话,有些单调了,于是就用了thrive来表示“成功”。其后的内容就稍显中式英语,不过salary和loved还是保证了本句话的品质。 第四句,优秀范例Seeing the smiles on their faces, it will bring considerable joy to us either.对比平庸范例When we look at other’s smile, it will give us more happiness.本句话,作者也是用seing+宾语的结构来丰富句子的多样性,然后用considerable提升整句话的品质,否则本句话就真的很口语化了。就会减低我们的分数了。 第五句,优秀范例Yet there is still one thing that can make us happier, that is the harmonious relations with workmates.对比平庸范例But there are still other things which could make us happy, this is good relationship with co-worker.为了增加X格,显然作者在这里用yet,表示但是,来给自己加分。接下来,前半句话,仍然稍显中式英语,但是作者充分的意识到了这一点,马上用了harmonious 和workmates来告诉评分者,我的单词量是很好的哦!记得给我打高分哦!保证了本句话在水平线之上。 第六句,优秀范例It is because we spend far more time with our workmates than any other friends during leisure time.对比平庸范例Because compared with other friends, our co-workers will spend more time when we are free.优秀范例这里的far more和leisure time写的很地道,会有加分。除此之外,本句话写的相对地道一些,也算是加分点。为什么更地道一些?对比一下平庸范例,你就懂了。 本篇文章的作者就是典型的,中式英语的问题还是稍微存在的,但是充分的点缀了优秀的表达方法,而使得自己的分数得到了保证。本来是20分上下的水平,愣是让分数暴增50%!达到了接近满分的水平。