优秀范例:Another reason why the statement is false is that it neglects the growing power of modern technology, which releases people from their labor and puts machines and computers in places that employees initially occupy.
对比平庸范例This statement is wrong, and the another reason for this is that it can not see the technology is developing, and it liberates our human from hard work, and it makes machines and computers do the jobs that people do.
从开头我们就一下能辨别出优秀范例,与平庸范例的差别,在这里平庸范例的This statement is wrong,几乎就是字对字的把单词堆砌起来的,但是优秀范例首先一个another即显示出本段是承接上一段进行进一步论述的,这一点,平庸范例根本显示不出来。
其次,优秀范例对于表示对一个观点的否定的时候,用的也是false,而不是比较口语的wrong。接下来,优秀范例,在表达忽略的时候用的也是neglect,也是很书面化,加分!不仅如此,接下来,优秀范例用的growing power写的也是很贴切,而不是像平庸范例写的technology is developing句型写的这么简单和常见。而在这个时候,如果我们跳到更高的高度的话,还会发现优秀范例的Another reason why the statement is false is that it neglects这个句型一气呵成,逻辑衔接得非常好,我们可以直接抄下来,当作常用加分句式。
后半句,优秀范例选词其实一般,但是两个固定搭配很好,首先是releases ….. from…..用的很好,第二个是put ……. in places,两个固定搭配看似平庸,但是当我们把真正的平庸范例makes machines and computers do the jobs,拿过来的时候,我们就会发现,原来优秀范例写的颇有一些文绉绉的感觉!也就是把你提走了不说提走了,而是说找人替代了你的位置,言下之意,也就是这里不需要你了。而且优秀范例最后用的employees originally occupy,这里的originally occupy用的特别好,首先originally,那就说明,now,这里已经没有你的位置了。然后occupy,对应前面的place,颇有前后呼应的感觉。至于平庸范例do来,do去的,过于口语化。