无老师作文巨讲堂连载（2015下半年全集）托福作文满分必备

无老师优秀范例：First of all, young adults are increasingly selfish. As they are exposed to much better material life since they were young, some of them take all of these for granted, believing that naturally they should wear fashion clothes, eat fancy dinner and be equipped with iPhone and iPad. Thus, when the time comes that they are asked to sacrifice for others, it is unlikely they are willing to give their good life up. Even a poor little child asks for 2 dollars for lunch might be rejected because the young adult thinks, without these 2 dollars he cannot order the steak he is supposed to eat. The belief of inherit privileges occupies them, making them unwillingly to make any sacrifice for others and, less helpful.

无老师优秀翻译：首先，年轻人现在越来越自私。自从很小的时候，他们就有更多更好的物质生活，他们之中的一些人觉得这些是理所当然的，相信他们就应该穿很新潮的衣服，吃很梦幻的晚餐，有iPhone和iPad可以用。因此，当他们被要求为其他人做出牺牲的时候，他们很有可能不愿意放弃自己很好的生活。哪怕是一个可怜的小孩乞讨2美金来吃个午餐，也是有可能被拒绝的，因为这些年轻人觉得，如果没有这2美金的话，他就不能点自己本来要吃的牛排了。世袭特权的思想占据着他们的头脑，使得他们不愿意为其他人做出任意一点牺牲，不愿意帮助人。

无老师平庸范例：First, young people are more and more selfish. When they are young, they have more and better materials, some of them believe that they are deserved, they believe they should wear the fashion clothes, eat fancy dinner, use iPhone and iPad. So, when they are asked to sacrifice for others, they are reluctant to give up their good life. Even though a poor two years old child asking for 2 dollors for lunch, they still could be denied, because these young people believe that without the 2 dollors, they could not order their desired steak. The idea of inheriting occupy their brain, make them reluctant to make any sacrifice for others, and to help others.

推开自己身边的窗子，窗外是什么颜色的？托福仅仅是生活的一小部分，如果它最终无法让我们的生活更美丽的话，我们还不如不学托福，不是么？其实当我们来看这篇文章的时候，就会发现，其实如果想拿到托福高分，最重要的事情就是先发现托福作文到底美在哪里，然后我们再在自己的笔下描绘出这一片美丽，高分自然也就有了。

首先第一句，优秀范例First of all, young adults are increasingly selfish.对比平庸范例First, young people are more and more selfish.优秀范例的开头写的还蛮顺手的，直接一个First of all结束，不过其实平庸范例的first也可取，分数高低，还是取决于后面的内容的水平。接下来，优秀范例写的就漂亮啦。当表达“年轻人”这个概念的时候，用的是young adults，而不是像平庸范例一样用的是young people。因为很显然，young people表达的应该是30岁以下这个群体，但是young adults显然就更准确，表达的是20-30岁这个阶段的群体，表达的很准确。接下来当表示“越来越”这个概念的时候，优秀范例也没有像平庸范例那样用传统的more and more，而是用了increasingly selfish，算稍微新颖一点点。

第二句，优秀范例As they are exposed to much better material life since they were young, some of them take all of these for granted, believing that naturally they should wear fashion clothes, eat fancy dinner and be equipped with iPhone and iPad.对比平庸范例When they are young, they have more and better materials, some of them believe that they are deserved, they believe they should wear the fashion clothes, eat fancy dinner, use iPhone and iPad.这句话，优秀范例写的就漂亮的，首先当表示“当……”这个概念的时候，没有用常用的when，而是用了更轻巧的”since”进行连接，转化为“自从”这个概念。尤其是接下来的固定搭配be exposed to用的很漂亮！绝对的提分点，因为如果想表达这个概念的时候，平庸范例只能用很泛泛的have，完全没有be exposed to那种画面感！优秀范例接下来的some of them和all of these显得作者写的时候还是很有心的，努力写得更细致一点，可以算是一个小亮点，不过大亮点马上就出来了，for granted，一下子就像亮肌肉一样，Beng的展示一下自己的词汇量。

接下来，优秀范例的作者觉得猛料还不够，继续秀！于是想到了非谓语动词believing，通过这种方式来增加自己句子的多样性，再接下来顺手甩出一个naturally，是的，我的词汇量就是这么傲娇！以及接下来的fancy dinner，都是起到相同的作用。至于最后，是的，再秀一下肌肉，来个固定搭配be equipped with。

第三句，优秀范例Thus, when the time comes that they are asked to sacrifice for others, it is unlikely they are willing to give their good life up.对比平庸范例So, when they are asked to sacrifice for others, they are reluctant to give up their good life.很显然，优秀范例首先要甩出一个thus来与前文进行逻辑连接，否则谁知道这句话与前一句话是什么关系。接下来漂亮了，岂止是漂亮，几乎就是闪亮！biubiubiu的耀眼啊！the time comes that竟然用如此简洁的，我们之前没有见过的表达方法来强调“就是在这样的时间，就是在这样的时刻”，几乎就是他喵的强调句式的翻版啊！有想法！接下来，后半句，优秀范例又是用了一个固定搭配it is unlikely that，想一想，我们自己好像很少这么写，好！加分！不仅如此，优秀范例还在句末用到了把宾语their good life放到固定搭配give up中间的方式，来调整句子的语序，增加多样性，赞！有心之人，必有可爱之处，加分！

第四句，优秀范例Even a poor little child asks for 2 dollars for lunch might be rejected because the young adult thinks, without these 2 dollars he cannot order the steak he is supposed to eat.对比平庸范例Even though a poor two years old child asking for 2 dollors for lunch, they still could be denied, because these young people believe that without the 2 dollors, they could not order their desired steak.其实本句话，优秀范例的亮点不多，如果非要找出一些亮点的话，两个固定搭配ask for和is supposed to可以算是两个小亮点，以及without these 2 dollars算是一个大一点的亮点，因为我们很容易写成if we do not have……这种表达方式，但是实际上，一个without就算搞定了，简洁方便！

最后一句，优秀范例The belief of inherit privileges occupies them, making them unwillingly to make any sacrifice for others and, less helpful.对比平庸范例The idea of inheriting occupy their brain, make them reluctant to make any sacrifice for others, and to help others.显然，最后一句一上来，优秀范例就又开始秀肌肉了！首先表示“XXX的”用的是A of B这样的表达方式，就很书面，有加分，接下来，马上就甩出inherit privileges“世袭的特权”，凶悍，词汇量真的是没话说，加分！再接下来，想一下，其实我们自己的话很容易写出they have the inherit privileges thinking,而不是像优秀范例一样把The belief of inherit privileges放在主语的位置，然后用occupies很形象的说出“这种想法，已经完全统制了他们”，而不是轻描淡写，语焉不详的写一个have。这就是功力所在。

接下来，肌肉秀够了，该秀柔软了，因此为了增加句子多样性，来了一个非谓语动词making，而且在这里还很巧妙地直接用了否定式unwillingly to而不是用not want to这样的表达方式。直到最后，优秀范例还用了一个很不起眼的比较级less helpful进行结束，看似没什么，但是之前用逗号“，”一点，语言停顿之后，给出这个less helpful，就好像进行总结陈词一样，两个词放在这里落地有声，总结了之前所有的内容，不是一句话，胜似一句话！漂亮！

无老师优秀范例：First of all, one property of modern technology is latently harmful to any learning mind – it distracts. One thing we feel about when we are searching for information online is that the internet, as an outstanding example of modern technology and even regarded as the innovator of education, provides us with not only relevant results to make use of, but also external links to click. More than once I turned on my computer to check school library for resources, but ended up watching Youtube videos. In this case, computer as a representative of modern technology plays a negative role in learning information. We do acquire more information with the convenient tool, yet most of them are irrelevant and in the end procrastinating would lower our learning.

无老师优秀翻译：首先，现代科技的一个特点，是在于它对于任何一个热爱学习的心，都是有潜在的伤害的，就是因为他很分神。我们在网上搜索信息的时候，我们会感受到一点，就是互联网本身，作为一个现代科技的杰出的例子，甚至也被认为是教育的创新者，不仅仅提供给我们需要的信息，同时也会给我们提供一些其他的链接来点击。不止一次，我打开电脑来查大学图书馆的资源，但是却以看网络消遣视频为结束。在这个例子中，电脑作为现代科技的代表，对于学习知识起到了负面的作用。我们确实会获取更多的知识通过便利的工具，但是大多数都是无关的，最终拖沓会使你学到的更少。

无老师平庸范例：First of all, modern technology’s characteristic is that it is potentially hurting any learning heart, because it distracts. When we search for information, we can feel that, the internet itself acts as a good example of the modern technology, and the internet also is considered as the innovator of the education, and it not only provides our needed information, but also provides some other links to click. More than once, I opened my computer to find the university library’s resource, but at the end I watched the youtube video. In this example, the computer acts as the representative of the modern technology, has the negative effect for the learning. We will have more information by the easy way, but most of them are not relevant, and at the end the procrastinating will make you learn less.

又是一年夏去秋来，在不同人的眼中，时间两个字是有很大的差别的，对于婴儿来说，时间是下一次吃奶之前需要消磨的时光；对于学生来说，时间是又是一年开学时绝望的等待；对于白领来说，时间是周一周五，一忧一喜的两个时间节点。对于托福考生来说，时间是每周三刷开网页那一刻，过线或者不过线的终极审判。

其实每次一的作文巨讲堂，优秀范例都是无老师搜集来的满分作文，无老师优秀翻译都是无老师进行的翻译，平庸范例，都是绞尽脑汁，能写的多差，就写多差的糟糕范例，主要是为了衬托优秀范例高大上的形象的作用。因为万事都需要对比，因为没有对比，再优秀的人才，我们都会觉得他貌不惊人。

今天的优秀范例，真的是大开大合的典范之作！里面不仅有深若寒谷的深刻思想，还有劈山开河的浩瀚长句！看到赚到！学不到，真亏了！

首先第一句，优秀范例：First of all, one property of modern technology is latently harmful to any learning mind – it distracts.对比平庸范例：First of all, modern technology’s characteristic is that it is potentially hurting any learning heart, because it distracts.开头句的First of all，显然都是标配，不褒不贬。对于我们来说，放心拿来用，不要有任何心理负担。接下来，优秀范例的主语用的也是比较书面化的A of B的连接方式，而不是像平庸范例一样采用‘s的表达方式，好！加分！接下来，harmful写的也是非常讲究的！其实稍微想一下，就会发现，我们很容易很泛泛的写为bad for或者negative to这样的表达方式，但是优秀范例没有进行这样的选择，而是用了harmful，虽然不是特别漂亮，但是好在显示自己能驾驭的单词非常的多，这就是加分的亮点！最后，再来看本句的“- it distracts”看似不就一个破折号么！但是实际上再对比平庸范例就会发现，其实一个简简单单的破折号，在这里就极为简洁的表达出了“因为”的这层含义，而且还使得本句话的连贯性变得非常的好！当然在这里必须要说的是，优秀范例本身写的就非常细腻，其实我们回头看一下就会发现，在本句话之中，property，latently和any这些词，如果去掉的话，其实完全也是可以的，但是，加入本句之中，就使得本句话写得特别的饱满，这是优秀范例与平庸范例的一个极为明显的差异！

第二句，大招来了！优秀范例One thing we feel about when we are searching for information online is that the internet, as an outstanding example of modern technology and even regarded as the innovator of education, provides us with not only relevant results to make use of, but also external links to click.对比平庸范例When we search for information, we can feel that, the internet itself acts as a good example of the modern technology, and the internet also is considered as the innovator of the education, and it not only provides our needed information, but also provides some other links to click.首先本句话，优秀范例前半句提到了internet，这是为了与本段第一句的modern technology做一个呼应，说明我们继续都还在讲相同的主题，这是很多考友经常犯的错误，要注意！我们写英文的时候，经常就是前后两句话缺少明显的连接词，使得考官在看的时候，看的是一头雾水。我们再来细看的话，就会发现，优秀范例有意的通过两个从句we feel about与when we are searching for information online将主语One thing和系动词is分开，极大地丰富了本篇文章句式的多样性，双拇指点赞！这还是刚刚开始，接下来一个that引导的从句，又是故技重施，通过并列结构as an outstanding example of modern technology和even regarded as the innovator of education，再次将主语the internet与谓语provides分开，一句话之中竟然能故技重施，连用两次分割大发，真的是让人看得目瞪口呆！而且在最后，为了让自己句子长的更有气势，竟然还用上了not only，but also结构来进行最后的收尾，真的是让人惊得下巴都要掉下来了！

这是总体的结构，如果我们再用显微镜细看的话，就会发现这句话不仅很长，而且还很有韧性！很有嚼头！首先，在不算not only，but also的情况下，本句一下就用了3个固定搭配searching for、regarded as、make use of，一看就是文化人啊！出口成章的感觉！有木有！

其后，一堆细节性的描写！Online、outstanding example、innovator of、relevant results、external links以及最后的to click。其实我们再来看，就会发现，如果这里没有online，outstanding，innovator，relevant，external，以及to click的话，这句话的内容仍然可以表达全，但是就是因为加入了这些细节性的修饰，使得本句话亦变得非常的丰满！这就好像是，你说安吉丽娜朱莉很漂亮，我们自己写的话，就是写：很漂亮，容貌端庄，嘴唇性感。但是如果是在优秀范例的笔下，很有可能就会变成：一双电眼，犹如两潭湖水，深不见底，在我看到的第一刻，就已经沦陷，陷入了她那温柔的水潭。这样写，写的就饱满了！

第三句，优秀范例：More than once I turned on my computer to check school library for resources, but ended up watching Youtube videos.对比平庸范例More than once, I opened my computer to find the university library’s resource, but at the end I watched the youtube video.首先，More than once，我们就很少用到，快拿个小本记下来！“不止一次”，只要这个一说，我们就好像听到评书演员醒木一拍，我要开书了一样，超有代入感的，有木有！然后，表示“打开”这个概念，作者用的也是turn on，而不是像平庸范例一样用了open，也是显示了自己的单词量，接下来，又是表示“搜寻、寻找”这个概念，作者没有继续用search for而是换为check，作用同上，就是来秀单词量的！最后，又是以一个固定搭配end up结尾，都是固定搭配！这个作者有学问！好！双拇指点赞！而且本句话细读一下，也是很有趣味性，一开始是来查资料的，结果却是把时间都花在了youtube看视频上，人性如此，十分可信，而且还有些许幽默感。

第四句，优秀范例In this case, computer as a representative of modern technology plays a negative role in learning information.，对比平庸范例In this example, the computer acts as the representative of the modern technology, has the negative effect for the learning.当然，优秀范例，开头还是要跟前文进行连接，In this case，说明我们还是要解释前面一句话，而且，这句话还说得很地道！好！记下来！接下来，优秀范例，又再次很细致的写出了representative，说这是作为“现代科技的代表”，不仅显示出自己的单词量，还再次加深了自己的描写非常细腻这一印象！最后又用一个固定搭配plays a negative role进行结尾，好吧好吧好吧！怕了你了，给你双拇指点赞，疯狂高分好啦！

最后一句，优秀范例：We do acquire more information with the convenient tool, yet most of them are irrelevant and in the end procrastinating would lower our learning.对比平庸范例We will have more information by the easy way, but most of them are not relevant, and at the end the procrastinating will make you learn less.作者还是对自己不满足啊！优秀范例，一上来就又用一个强调句式do acquire来求高分！接下来的with the convenient tool，也是写得非常简洁！想一下就会发现，我们很容易写成when we use convenient tool,we will ……作者没有这么写，而使用了更简洁的with的模式，加分！当然，这里的the convenient tool还呼应了前文的computer。然后，most of和in the end再一次体现了作者写得非常细致的特点，还是那句话，试一下就会发现，他们去掉的话，对逻辑和句子的完整性没影响的。直至最后，procrastinating作者在再秀了一下自己的单词量之后，以一个非常小，但是在这里用的很活的词lower，我们平时也就是将其当做low形容词来用，但是在这里作者竟然用到了他的动词词性，写得非常漂亮！赞~\(≧▽≦)/~！

本篇优秀范例之中，作者首先是通过自己丰富的阅读量，积累了无数优秀的素材，然后再有意的将内容写得更细致更深入，来让自己的能力有一个展示的空间，最后再辅以多样化的句型，而实实在在造就出一篇超满分范例！双拇指点赞！无老师爱你们！么么哒！

无老师优秀范例：Beyond enormous obvious reasons, however, there lies a more in-depth cause that no one can success without working hard.You can’t hope the solution will come to you by itself just because you are creative while you don’t even have a plan to work it out. Even those great minds like Newton and Einstein, who have superior creativity to all of us, made careful plan before they starting working on some problems, otherwise they would be just wasting their talent. So as normal people we are, it’s more important for us to have a careful plan before we start.

无老师优秀范例：但是，除了如此之多显而易见的原因之外，其实这里还有一个更深刻的原因，那就是没有一个人可以在不付出努力的情况下就取得成功。你不要妄想解决方案自己出现在你眼前，仅仅因为你很有创造力，当你完全没有一个解决方案的时候。哪怕是那些伟大的先贤如牛顿和爱因斯坦，他们都对于全人类有杰出的创造性，都会在开始解决问题之前做出详细的规划，否则，他们也只是在浪费自己的天赋。所以，如我们这样的常人，在我们开始之前，对于我们来说，更重要的是要有详细的计划。

无老师平庸范例：But，except some many obvious reasons, there is a deeper reason, no one can make their success when they do not work hard. You could not hope that the solution will come to you by itself, just because you are creative when you do not have a plan. Even those talents like Newton and Einstein, they make creativity for the world, will make good plan before they start to work, or they just wasted their talent. So our normal people, before we start, should make a good plan.

无老师精析：不同的优秀作文，是有不同的，优点的。同时，不同的优秀作文，我们可模仿的内容，也是因人而异。今天这篇文章的特点，就是模板化程度很高，非常适合水平不是特别高的小伙伴来模仿的。

首先，第一句，优秀范例Beyond enormous obvious reasons, however, there lies a more in-depth cause that no one can success without working hard.对比平庸范例But，except some many obvious reasons, there is a deeper reason, no one can make their success when they do not work hard.显然，优秀范例的开头，就非常的模板化，非常适合直接拿过来用，很适合作为第四段的开头，因为在2、3段已经论述了两个观点的情况下，这里提出Beyond enormous obvious reasons，就非常的恰当，恰好说明，自己接下来还有自己新的观点要提出。然后接下来，又是一个超赞的模板化句子there lies a more in-depth cause that，这两个部分都是可以直接拿过来，用在自己的作文之中的，绝对加分！绝对精彩！写了这么多，才亮出自己的观点no one can success without working hard.而且这个部分写得非常的简洁

第二句，优秀范例：You can’t hope the solution will come to you by itself just because you are creative while you don’t even have a plan to work it out.对比平庸范例You could not hope that the solution will come to you by itself, just because you are creative when you do not have a plan.本句对比下来，我们会发现平庸范例与优秀范例没有什么差别，这是因为平庸范例，就是按照中文翻译再翻译成英文的。本句话当然跟上一句话相同，也是模板化程度非常高，前半句，You can’t hope the solution will come to you by itself，几乎可以用于任何一个解决问题型的题目。赞~\(≧▽≦)/~！然后甩出just because来引出原因。最后再加一个while进行条件的限制，当然如果小伙伴们不想加限制条件的话，也可以。对于本句话来说，最后的work it out，一个地道的固定搭配，也是一个加分的亮点。

第三句，优秀范例Even those great minds like Newton and Einstein, who have superior creativity to all of us, made careful plan before they starting working on some problems, otherwise they would be just wasting their talent.对比平庸范例Even those talents like Newton and Einstein, they make creativity for the world, will make good plan before they start to work, or they just wasted their talent.其实当我们在写作文的时候，很多人在追求单纯的长句，觉得句子越长越复杂，就是高分。其实这也是一个很大的误区，对于托福作文来说，这句话的长度，已经算是非常长了，建议70%以上的句子，不要超过这个长度，否则，不管是读者还是阅卷人都会比较疲劳。回到本句话，为了减少读者的疲劳感，作者就通过逗号来调整句子的节奏。首先主语部分当说到名人先贤的时候，作者没有很泛泛的用famous person或者scientist这样的字眼，而是用great minds，非常新颖，让人眼前一亮。不仅如此，作者还用like对于主语进行更加细致的修饰，举出两位名人Newton and Einstein。接下来漂亮了！一个从句，既展示了自己的词汇量superior creativity，也调节了句子的节奏，一举两得。

然后才甩出句子真正的谓语made，而且进行了精细的时间限定before they starting working on，写得非常的细致。然后，最后，又告诉你不这样做的话，你就是在浪费你自己的天赋！

最后一句，优秀范例So as normal people we are, it’s more important for us to have a careful plan before we start.对比平庸范例So our normal people, before we start, should make a good plan.看！优秀范例又在秀句型！as位于句首，句子部分倒装！知道啦！你见多识广啦！高分给你！给你！给你！都给你！然后一个接近于固定搭配的more…for sb to do something，再一次证明，我能驾驭很多句型哦！然后在最后收尾的时候，也没有

无老师优秀范例：However, apart from connective ability, there exist more valuable and essential qualities in successful people. In the first place, people have to be persistent to the career they have chosen in order to achieve the peak of their lives. For instance, Madam Curie had already stayed in her humid laboratory with her husband for 10 years before she discovered the radial element and got nominated for Noble Prize. What’s more, a creative mind is also unavoidable. Without the great creativity, Steve Jobs would never be able to transfer magnificent idea in all those products like imac and iphone, which totally change the life styles of people, and he would never be the greatest CEO in the past ten years. Last but not least, a great sense of responsibility is the necessity especially for successful businessmen. Success can never be gained by oneself, and he need more helps from others. The patience must be paid to overcome all the difficulties on the path to success, and they must be responsible for their companies as well as their employees so that the whole team could stay together to win the final fight instead of breaking up.

无老师优秀翻译：但是，除了沟通的能力，这些成功的人身上，还有更多必不可少的重要品质。首先，人们如果想实现个人的成功，就必须坚守在自己选择的岗位上。比如说居里夫人，已经跟丈夫在潮湿的实验室里坚守了10年，在他发现放射性元素之前，并且最终获得了诺贝尔奖提名。不仅如此，创造性，也是必不可少的。如果没有创造性的话，乔布斯永远都不可能将伟大的想法转化成那些无敌的产品，比如说iMAC，iPhone，这些产品完全改变了人们的生活方式，否则他也不可能成为过去10年最成功的CEO。最后，极大的责任感也是非常重要的品质，对于一个成功的商人来说。成功不是依靠自己一个人就能获得的，他需要其他人的帮助。人们必须有足够的耐心来克服通向成功道路上的所有困苦，他们必须为公司和员工，负起责任，只有这样整个团队才会凝聚在一起，来赢下最终的战役，而不是分崩离析。

无老师平庸范例：But, except the communicating ability, these success people have more very important thing. First, if people want to make personal success, they must stay on his own position. For example, XXX have stayed in the humid laboratory for 10 years with her husband, before they found the radial element, and made the Nobel’s nominate. More than that, creativity is very important. If they do not have the creativity, Jobs would never make their good idea into real products, such as iMac, Iphone, these products totally changed people’s life style, or he could not be the most successful CEO in the past 10 years. Last, great responsibility is also very important for a very successful business man. People could not make a success all by themselves, they need other people’s help. People have to have enough patience to beat each difficulty on the way to success, they must take responsibility for their company and employee, and this will make the whole team come together, and this will win the final war, but not fall apart.

无老师精析：无老师每一次的作文巨讲堂，都是找满分作文，来将其作为原稿，然后翻译出中文译本，一对一的直接翻译。然后再根据中文译本写出平庸范例，力求平庸范例写的越烂越好，尽可能模仿出低水平的考友们的真实状态，因此里面会有很多中式英语，语法错误以及诡异的表达。当然也因为整体是按照优秀范例的中文译本翻译过来的，因此难免有些内容与优秀范例十分的相似。

对于小伙伴们来说，当看作文巨讲堂的时候，一定要非常明确一点，就是看一场NBA比赛，与打一场NBA比赛，是有非常大的差别的！我们看懂一场NBA比赛是非常容易的，但是打NBA是对于能力要求非常高的。而当我们看懂作文巨讲堂的时候，其实也仅仅是看懂了NBA的水平，这距离我们真正能写出这么好的作文，还是有非常大的差距的！因此小伙伴们在看作文巨讲堂的时候，不能仅仅满足于看懂作文巨讲堂，仅此而已，而是应该，把作文巨讲堂的优秀内容，拿个本子记下来，争取背下来，而且接下来，在自己的作文中，要真正地把作文巨讲堂的优秀素材用到自己的作文之中，这才真正体现出作文巨讲堂的价值，也就是你可以真正的去打NBA了，而不是仅仅在旁边看热闹。

首先第一句，优秀范例：However, apart from connective ability, there exist more valuable and essential qualities in successful people.对比平庸范例But, except the communicating ability, these success people have more very important thing.在这里，优秀范例和平庸范例首先体现出的，就是单词量的差异，平庸范例只能写出except，但是优秀范例用到了apart from，这就是加分点！接下来，优秀范例用到了并列结构valuable and essential，而不是像平庸范例一样，按部就班的用very important，这就非常的传统，感觉是小学生也能写出的作文。这里虽然表达的同样都是“很重要”的意思，但是优秀范例写出了重要的2个侧面分别是“价值”和“必要性”这就显得很新颖，而且很细。这就要加分。

第二句，优秀范例In the first place, people have to be persistent to the career they have chosen in order to achieve the peak of their lives.对比平庸范例First, if people want to make personal success, they must stay on his own position.在表达“首先”这个意思的时候，优秀范例先亮出一招固定搭配“In the first place”，起手式，漂亮！其后，在表达“坚守”的时候，优秀范例没有想平庸范例那样用stay，而是亮出自己的单词量，一个“be persistent to“，告诉读者，本大侠的单词量很赞哦！而且接下来用career，来展现自己的格局还是很大的，自己要展现的是“整个职业生涯”而不是单纯的一份不知什么时间就会消失的“工作”。而且在这里，作者为了增加句子的多样性还加了一个从句they have chosen，是的，就是这么傲娇！更傲娇的是，作者觉得总用success，已经太俗套了，于是从锦囊之中挑出一个achieve the peak of their lives，放在了桌上！简直风骚的让人不敢直视啊！快抄在小本上！

第三句，优秀范例For instance, Madam Curie had already stayed in her humid laboratory with her husband for 10 years before she discovered the radial element and got nominated for Noble Prize.对比平庸范例For example, XXX have stayed in the humid laboratory for 10 years with her husband, before they found the radial element, and made the Nobel’s nominate.优秀作文，你狠！竟然能记住居里夫人的英文名字是Madam Curie，有本事你在考场上也写出来！然后，优秀范例写的就很细致了，当然也有一点演义，因为谁知道那个实验室是否是真的humid，但是当作者用出这个humid的时候，就很让我们有身临其境的感觉，加分！而且本句更大的亮点是将before she discovered………放在后半句，相应的，用前半句来突出居里夫人曾经的坚守。至于后面的radial element、got nominated for和Noble Prize都是作者来秀一下自己的单词量，就跟健美比赛之中秀肌肉，来显示自己的能力是一样的。

第四句，优秀范例What’s more, a creative mind is also unavoidable.对比平庸范例More than that, creativity is very important.在这里优秀范例，又荡开一笔，引出一个新的主题What’s more，然后接下来creative mind其实不褒不贬，算是还好。倒是接下来的unavoidable用的很赞！为什么赞？很简单，看一下平庸范例的important，我们就知道，原来unavoidable必不可少的，其实在这个语境下，就是important的意思，赞！避免用了枯燥的important，确实该给高分！

第五句，优秀范例Without the great creativity, Steve Jobs would never be able to transfer magnificent idea in all those products like imac and iphone, which totally change the life styles of people, and he would never be the greatest CEO in the past ten years.对比平庸范例If they do not have the creativity, Jobs would never make their good idea into real products, such as iMac, Iphone, these products totally changed people’s life style, or he could not be the most successful CEO in the past 10 years.在本句，优秀范例一开始就开始发力，一个Without，貌似没什么，但是反观平庸范例的If they do not have，你是不是，哇就吐了！反过来再怜香惜玉的看一眼Without，禁不住亮出了自己的大拇指？然后，优秀范例竟然又搬出了乔布斯，俗！不过还算有用，毕竟ETS也不管你俗不俗。其后，优秀范例would never be able to，在不破坏句子节奏的情况下，扩充了句子的长度，不错。然后，优秀范例的transfer magnificent idea写得不错，想得很细，而且还能调动单词量给表达出来。最漂亮的，就是接下来的非限定性定语从句, which totally change the life styles of people很好的断开了句子，让句子读起来不会很累，而且还点出了前半句话的意义和作用所在。然后，一个小细节，优秀范例做得很漂亮，就是接下来的, and he………这里的and其实起到了逻辑上的顺承的作用，否则就很有可能是生硬的用上so这样的逻辑连接词了。最后再承接前面的would never，这里用到了would never be，漂亮的收尾！

第六句，优秀范例Last but not least, a great sense of responsibility is the necessity especially for successful businessmen.对比平庸范例Last, great responsibility is also very important for a very successful business man.恩，知道了！知道了你的小本上记了很多固定搭配，这里又来一个Last but not least。然后，作者又是很骚气的写出了a great sense of

，恩！有味道！请注意平庸范例写出的，也仅仅是great responsibility。然后作者又臭屁了！傲娇的用出了necessary的的名词词性necessity，牛！我们用不出来，给你加分！随后作者又觉得自己臭屁的不够，因此又特意强调，这是especially for，“特别”是针对成功的商人来说，非常的重要，显得自己的针对性很强，很细致。

第七句，优秀范例Success can never be gained by oneself, and he need more helps from others.对比平庸范例People could not make a success all by themselves, they need other people’s help.在本句之中，最大的亮点是在于句型本身，请注意，本句是以Success开头，而不是像我们很多人一样，是用人来做句子的主语的，虽然用you完全是没有问题的，但是这种句式难免口语化，而且也很容易句型单一化。最后，其实用success这种词来做句子的注意，也很容易把句子写的很简洁，当然，这都是需要我们慢慢练习的。

最后一句，优秀范例The patience must be paid to overcome all the difficulties on the path to success, and they must be responsible for their companies as well as their employees so that the whole team could stay together to win the final fight instead of breaking up.相比于平庸范例People have to have enough patience to beat each difficulty on the way to success, they must take responsibility for their company and employee, and this will make the whole team come together, and this will win the final war, but not fall apart.作者在本句话又帅气了一次，也就是又用The patience作为句子的主语，与前一句话的妙处异曲同工，然后接下来的overcome在此处用的恰到好处，什么叫做“不恰到好处”？很简单，看一下平庸范例，你就知道了。接下来的接近于固定搭配的on the path，也是很妙的应用，要记下来。

其后，作者调整了一下节奏感，接下来继续扫射，be responsible for这个固定搭配我们都能想到，但是接下来的并列结构their companies as well as their employees，就显示出作者写得很详细，同时词汇量也不错，算是个加分点。然后一个逻辑承接，导出结果so that，这里的so that以及后面的final fight都可以算是单词量的体现。当然，这里最漂亮的还是最后的instead of，首先这里没有用生硬的not，来进行否定，其次，最后的breaking up直接省略了后面的宾语，也是写的非常简洁，相比之下，这里如果写为but not break up their companies as well as their employees，是不是马上就显得十分的啰嗦。

再美的美人，也需要比较，你说是不！^_^

无老师优秀范例：Aside from availability and efficiency, another notable benefit of sending the teens to part-time job to help them grow up is it informs them the true concept and meaning of money. Take an overview of Chinese situation in this case, the majority of the youth ask parents for pocket money without shouldering household chores, and they take it as granted. To look for a part-time job such as waiter or cook equips them the ability of managing their own budget to make ends meet. Also, it informs them the truth that money is the exchange of devotion and perspiration instead of a pie from the sky.

无老师优秀翻译：除了易获得性和效率，让年轻人去兼职来帮助他们成长，还有另一个非常大的好处，那就是这可以塑造他们对于金钱的正确的概念和意义。对于这个情况我们可以举一个中国很常见的例子，大多数的年轻人向父母要零钱的时候，都不要承担任何的家务，并且他们认为是理所应当的。找一份兼职工作，比如说服务员或者厨师，会让他们有管理他们自己的账户达到收支平衡的能力。同样的，这也会让他们知道这样一个真理，钱是用付出和汗水换来的，而不是天上掉下来的一个馅饼。

无老师平庸范例：Except the availability and the efficiency, when we make the young people to take a part time job to improve them, there is a big advantage, that is that it can build the right concept and meaning for money. To this thing, we can offer a quite common example in China, when the young people ask for money from their parents, they do not do any homework, and they think that they are deserved. When they find a part time job, for example: waiters, or cook, this will make their account balance. Still, this will make them believe the truth that money comes from hard work and sweat, and money does not fall from the sky.

无老师精析：无老师每一次的作文巨讲堂，都是找满分作文，来将其作为原稿，然后翻译出中文译本，一对一的直接翻译。然后再根据中文译本写出平庸范例，力求平庸范例写的越烂越好，尽可能模仿出低水平的考友们的真实状态，因此里面会有很多中式英语，语法错误以及诡异的表达。当然也因为整体是按照优秀范例的中文译本翻译过来的，因此难免有些内容与优秀范例十分的相似。

第一句，优秀范例Aside from availability and efficiency, another notable benefit of sending the teens to part-time job to help them grow up is it informs them the true concept and meaning of money.对比平庸范例Except the availability and the efficiency, when we make the young people to take a part time job to improve them, there is a big advantage, that is that it can build the right concept and meaning for money.当看到第一句的时候，很多小伙伴会“呦”的一声，有想法啊！之前我们的优秀范例最多也就写个besides，这里竟然用到了Aside from，有想法！接下来，作者竟然能用到availability和efficiency这种抽象的概念来表达自己的想法，而且对于词的把握已经接近于本土人的水平了，很强大！在主句，notable benefit也是用的很有想法，因为没有像其他的范例那样用一个单纯的advantage或者benefit，而是加了一个限定词notable，颇有一点妙笔点睛的味道，以及在此之后的teens，和这里的notable，都显示出，作者已经不仅仅是认识这个词仅此而已，而是达到了很好地理解这个词的内涵和外延的能力，这是非常难得的！然后，一个不起眼的小词inform，其实也是用的很地道，因为我们自己写的话，很有可能写出make/let them know之类的话，但是这里竟然能想到用inform，这是实力的体现！而且作者在最后，竟然又用到了并列结构concept and meaning，这也是很强大的，因为，如果是我们自己写的话，经常写出来的也就是单纯的一个meaning，这里不仅能写出来meaning，而且还能想到，并且用到更为抽象的concept，这也是必须狂加分的！不仅如此，前面还加上了一个true，起到了正本清源的作用，告诉你，他到底起到了多么大的正向作用。

第二句，优秀范例Take an overview of Chinese situation in this case, the majority of the youth ask parents for pocket money without shouldering household chores, and they take it as granted.对比平庸范例To this thing, we can offer a quite common example in China, when the young people ask for money from their parents, they do not do any homework, and they think that they are deserved.在本句之中，优秀范例就更强大了！因为绝大多数人在本句开头，也就只能写出in this case，而本句不仅将其限定在Chinese situation，这本身就已经非常与众不同了，因为他没有单纯的写一个in china，而写的是Chinese situation，这个就很赞了！而且前面又加了一个overview，这里就又拔高了一个高度！从“宏观”的角度，向下俯视，这就有层次感了！然后，为了让自己说话更准确，更滴水不漏，当然也是显示自己的单词量，因此加上了the majority。其后的固定搭配ask for，还把parents置入他们中间，使得句型更加合理。不仅如此，接下来还用了pocket money来表示“零用钱”，这就写得更地道了！全都是加分点啊！

其后又用without接一个介宾短语，使得句子保持的非常紧凑，接下来的shoulder就更漂亮了，因为这里没有用do之类的词，而是用了shoulder来表达“承担，担负”，这个就用的非常书面化了，漂亮！不仅如此，这里连续的shoulder、household和chore，连续的展现自己单词量的强大。本句最后的take it as granted，表示“应得的”就用的更加地道了！快拿小本记下来！金句啊！

第三句，优秀范例To look for a part-time job such as waiter or cook equips them the ability of managing their own budget to make ends meet.对比平庸范例When they find a part time job, for example: waiters, or cook, this will make their account balance.首先这里用to do作为句子的开头，增加了句式的多样化，加分！然后waiter和 cook两个词用得很准确，赞！其后的equip就更加漂亮了！equip在这里表示“驱动，驱使”这是国内小伙伴很少用到的用法！而且在这里后面也没有直接跟to manage，而是将其名词化，并且接了一个双宾语the ability of，这就更加难得了！接下来就是最后又用了一个漂亮且地道的固定搭配make ends meet，来表示“收支平衡”，而且作者在这里也没有直接将其放出，而是加入一个managing their own budget to，强调是管理自己的口袋，来达到收支平衡。这就写得非常细了！同时也因为细节的丰富，让人觉得特别的饱满和可信！

第四句，优秀范例Also, it informs them the truth that money is the exchange of devotion and perspiration instead of a pie from the sky.对比平庸范例Still, this will make them believe the truth that money comes from hard work and sweat, and money does not fall from the sky.首先，一个小词，also，简单而实用！我们都没想到过可以这么用！接下来，inform前面分析过了，不再赘述。这里inform接了一个双宾语，them和 the truth，不过作者考虑到前面已经用过了，因此用了一个名词性从句that money is…..来对其进行解释说明，同时也增加了句子的多样性，不会完全与前面相同。这个从句厉害了！首先exchange在这里用的是其名词性！而不是用动词，不走寻常路，漂亮！接下来的并列结构devotion和perspiration，就是超强悍的单词量的体现了，跪拜！在最后，instead of点明很多人的常见错误，来与前文的内容进行对比，来加深我们的印象，而且最后的a pie from the sky，是不是还有那么点幽默感？^_^原来天上掉馅饼是这么写的！^_^

无老师优秀范例：Moreover, parents are more experienced. When dealing with some daily problems, and they can aid adult children to overcome difficulties. Imaging there is a young couple, who do not have any experience of raising an infant. They are annoyed by the baby’s crying in the mid-night and baby’s rejection to food as well. That is exactly the condition that their parents can help. Parents can give them detailed suggestions about how to comfort the baby, and also teach them how to distinguish if the baby is hungry or feel uncomfortable. Asking parents to babysit the kids can be also a good choice for office workers.

无老师优秀翻译：不仅如此，父母们的经验更加丰富。当处理日常事务时，他们可以帮助青年人来克服问题。想象一下，一对年轻夫妇，他们在抚养孩子上没有太多经验。他们对孩子在午夜的苦恼烦恼不已，孩子不愿意吃东西也把他们都征服了。这种情况恰好就需要父母的帮助。父母们可以提供非常具有可操作性的建议，在如何安抚小孩，和教他们如何分辨小孩是感觉到饿了，还是感觉不舒服。请父母来照顾小孩对于上班一族来说是个很好的选择。

无老师平庸范例：Moreover, parents have more experience. When dealing with the everyday work, they can help the young adults to deal with problems. You can imagine this, the young parents do not have much experience. They are very bothered by the baby’s cry in the night, and they are bothered by the baby’s dislike of eating. This just need parents’ help. Parents could offer very useful suggestion in how to comfort the baby, and help them in how to find that if the baby was hungry or not good. So, it is a good choice to invite the parents to look after the baby.

无老师精析：无老师每一次的作文巨讲堂，都是找满分作文，来将其作为原稿，然后翻译出中文译本，一对一的直接翻译。然后再根据中文译本写出平庸范例，力求平庸范例写的越烂越好，尽可能模仿出低水平的考友们的真实状态，因此里面会有很多中式英语，语法错误以及诡异的表达。当然也因为整体是按照优秀范例的中文译本翻译过来的，因此难免有些内容与优秀范例十分的相似。

首先第一句，优秀范例：Moreover, parents are more experienced.对比平庸范例Moreover, parents have more experience.在这里貌似平庸范例用到了experience的名词词性，但是实际上，因为平庸范例的谓语have在这种语境下用的不地道，因此，其实还是优秀范例更胜一筹。

第二句，优秀范例When dealing with some daily problems, and they can aid adult children to overcome difficulties.对比平庸范例When dealing with the everyday work, they can help the young adults to deal with problems.首先优秀范例的dealing with本身写的就非常简洁，而不是采用they are dealing with，其后，相比于平庸范例，我们就会发现，这里用到了daily，而不是像平庸范例那样用everyday这样很常见的词。不仅如此，我们在下面的aid和adult children，也可以发现，其实作者的其实对于选词是非常注意的，时时刻刻都想突出自己的词汇量是非常赞的！以及在本句话最后的overcome也是这个目的，对比起平庸范例又用了一次deal with，就可以显现出优秀范例的词汇量是远胜于平庸范例的！结果是什么？结果就是词汇量高，而且用的准确，人家就给你高分啊！

第三句，优秀范例Imaging there is a young couple, who do not have any experience of raising an infant，对比平庸范例You can imagine this, the young parents do not have much experience.其实前两句优秀范例，在句式上，优秀范例的亮点不多。但是到本句，优秀范例也意识到了这个问题，因此独立主格Imaging再次横空出世！想一下，这里我们平时很有可能写的是if，亦或者像平庸范例一样You can imagine。但是这里四两拨千斤的一个Imaging直接解决。在接下来作者又用了一个从句来解释a young couple，进一步的修饰a young couple到底是什么样的人。尤其是这句话最后的raising an infant写的也是非常地道！加分！

第四句话，优秀范例是They are annoyed by the baby’s crying in the mid-night and baby’s rejection to food as well. 对比平庸范例They are very bothered by the baby’s cry in the night, and they are bothered by the baby’s dislike of eating. 在这里很明显，首先用了一个they来连接上文，表示自己要进一步的解释，a young couple所处的处境。这里的annoyed用的很准确，可以说跟平庸范例的bothered不相上下，但是在这里作者很巧妙的用到了并列结构baby’s crying and baby’s rejection，通过如此之远的并列结构，来显示自己对于句型的把握是非常好的，看了之前的第一句话和第二句话，你不是觉得我句法结构不够复杂吗，句型的多样性不够好吗？那好那么在本句话我就给你秀个够！而且，优秀范例后面的in the mid-night写的就细了，再一次体现了作者描绘的精细，以及自己所掌握的词汇量很好。

第五句话，优秀范例：That is exactly the condition that their parents can help. 对比平庸范例This just need parents’ help. 在这里优秀范例的一个exactly用的就非常的地道了！强调恰好就是这些年轻的父母所遇到的问题！

第六句话，优秀范例：Parents can give them detailed suggestions about how to comfort the baby, and also teach them how to distinguish if the baby is hungry or feel uncomfortable. 对比平庸范例：Parents could offer very useful suggestion in how to comfort the baby, and help them in how to find that if the baby was hungry or not good. 在本句话优秀范例首先用了一个detailed来秀一下自己的单词量，而不是像平庸范例一样，用了一个小学生都会用的useful，接下来优秀范例，为了承接前面的crying和annoyed在这里用到了comfort，也就是我们平时常用的comfortable的动词词性，来显示自己的词汇的驾驭能力。然后又用了一个并列结构can give……and also teach……使得句子逻辑性的承接特别好，而是没有单独又写一句话。在本句话之中，作者也时时不忘记秀自己的单词量，本句话的 distinguish和uncomfortable就是证明。

最后一句，优秀范例Asking parents to babysit the kids can be also a good choice for office workers.对比平庸范例So, it is a good choice to invite the parents to look after the baby.在这里，“请求”父母，作者没有像平庸范例那样，用很生硬的invite，而是直接取了固定搭配ask for里面ask的“请求”的意思，接下来，在表达”照顾孩子“这个概念的时候，作者继上面的comfort之后，又换了一个babysit，是的，作者的词汇量真的很好，而且其实这些单词往往不是很复杂的词，但是就是用到这里刚好合适！最后，作者又为了证明自己的观点，又设定了一个应用场景，也就是for office workers，这就使得自己说的内容很有说服力了，因为我们都知道白领员工，是工作时间很长的，他们只有依靠”父母“来照顾自己的孩子，才能很好地平衡家庭和工作。

看完本篇优秀范例，我们最为直观的感觉，就是接地气！我也能写！爽！

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